You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
