i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
