so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
