My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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