I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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