does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
