You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
