I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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