He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
As shirtless as possible
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
