Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
