Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
