Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
