are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
