Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
