We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
