My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
