he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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