My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
