So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
