I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
