i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
