i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
