May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
