Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
