oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
