that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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