if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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