He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
