UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
