you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
