Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
