So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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