It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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