this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
