no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You can't motorboat a personality
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
