her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
