This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
