it wasn't lemon gatorade
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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