Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
