Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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