Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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