I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
