you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
