the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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