i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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