This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
