So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
