It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
