i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
