Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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