my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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