He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
