apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
