do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
