dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
