Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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