i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
