Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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