ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
