My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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